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I just watched Blades of Glory. In light of watching a funny and easily digestible film as well as watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels I thought I'd revert back to being a 13-year old girl and pay tribute to some dudes that I think are hot. Be forewarned, you may be grossed out by a few of my choices but I can't help it. It also doesn't take that long to figure out a pattern here. What can I say I'm predictable.

Speaking of Blades of Glory. I thought Will Ferrell was hot in it. Yes it's true. It's the attitude. And the hair. Next up, while I've been watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Gene is fine, whatever. He's cool but not my type. but Nick, my god. I think he might be an overgrown 14 year old. I have no idea how old he is but he's hot. He's also seemingly level-headed and clever. Always the smartass. Wish I could find a bigger better picture but this will have to do.
Of course, no big surprise here. Jason Lewis. Ever since Sex and the City I have considered him the best looking man I have ever seen in my life. I still think this. I used to rewind parts with him in it and then get mad that Samantha was in the sex scenes. His attitude, everything, was the perfect man. I even remember him being a model for Tommy ads in my Teen Magazine when I was younger. I'm totally jealous/happy for him and Rosario Dawson. She is gorgeous, kicks some major ass (Grindhouse, Sin City) and you can tell she's much cooler than me. I'll let her have that one. Jason "Sex and the City era" to the right. - without Rosario...................
Jason Now - with Rosario. um yeah, adorable.












Okay now this is a little gross. I thought Bill Moseley was hot as a member of the family in House of a Thousand Corpses. Yes, the guy who kills a ton of people, strangles cheerleaders, whatever else he does. Not as much in Devil's' Rejects but he was wearing a cowboy shirt and all that killing is pretty hot. I swear I'm not sick.
And Christian from The Figurines. Yep, a hot Danish rooster:

I'll have more on this tip soon but will leave you with two things I also like:

L-Lo:















and Boston BeerWorks - I love you Blueberry beer!












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Update: Lewis and Rosario broke up, apparently months ago. I can't believe he would let someone amazing like Rosario go. Rumor has it she had some difficulty dealing with the fact that women were pawing at him all the time. Apparently he couldn't seem to control himself as he was having dinner with some lame actress chick that's more than a decade younger than him. Nice job douchebag. If all of this is supposedly true you just dropped heavily on the scale. I'll just crush on Rosario now.

Dry Foods

Why do foods have to be so dry that I choke on them? They hurt my throat and make me angry.

Thank you.

Extreme Vom-o-torium

I'm sick of feeling nauseous lately. I get these waves that come over me and I feel like I'm going to black out or throw up only I can't because I have work to do or I'm not in a place where I can lay down. I've been getting these waves more and more lately and yes I know I have to go to yet another doctor. The last one I went to couldn't find anything wrong with me and told me I was going to die if I continued to take birth control. I feel like he might be right. I feel so much better when I'm not taking the pill. I have started taking a new one and I believe these symptoms have worsened since I've taken these pills. I hate them. I hate that this is my only real option to not have to deal with what I talked about in my first blog. I hate going to a doctor when you feel like shit and by the time you actually see the quack your pain has subsided, you piss in a cup, and they dismiss you. After you give them money of course. For what? Is there no way to give me a thorough scan of every organ? Without it costing me an arm and a leg? Can't you just tell me what's wrong with me and give me something, some kind of magic goat yogurt or something to make it all go away? While you're at it doc, you should just go ahead and predict the future for me as well. Let me know if I'm going to end up with a deadbeat husband, have a newt-eyed elf baby, or gain 200 pounds in my left saggy ass cheek. Then cut me a prescription to correct the problem. What is health insurance for if not to fix all of that shit? And thanks by the way gyno jerks for making me wait two weeks from that dreaded phone call to figure out if I have a cancerbaby alien chomping away at my cervix. I'd really appreciate if you could just go ahead and schedule this 'routine procedure' riiight around the time I get my goddamn monthly visit from Flo-jo. Oh wait, you already did that. Awesome, now I can wait two more wholesome carefree weeks of life to find out if I'm going to die tomorrow. you people are awesome. God why do chicks have to go through this shit too?

Fucking hypochondriacs. Will it never end for us?

You Have Bad Taste in Movies

There's nothing worse than going to a movie and, based on the previews, realizing that the movie thinks your an idiot. Like "Oooo since you are watching this romantic comedy, we bet you would like Wild Hogs, starring John Travolta and Tim Allen!" Now I know that Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore tend to play the same characters in every movie they star in, but I really did think that maybe, just maybe, that this movie would be different. Ok, maybe not different, but at least somewhat enjoyable. But no no no, from the get-go, the previews are laughing in my face saying "ahaha! if you'll pay $10 dollars for this b.s., I bet we could convince you that the new Adam Brody movie looks amazing! You are so stupid, movie-goer!" And the thing is, they're right. I DID pay $10 to watch Drew Barrymore be the cutsie charming girl and Hugh Grant be the smarmy british guy. Ugh. I hate myself sometimes.

This weekend I had a dream that I was using a public bathroom and some bitch decided to pour chocolate pudding on me over the stall door. Tons of chocolate pudding. I came out and was try to wipe my eyes and mouth so I could breathe and see, but I was like swamp thing. Except the swamp was made of pudding. I don't even like pudding. Or jello for that matter. I think my ill feelings for jello were caused by my 1st grade surgery. It's the only time I've ever had to go to the hospital, ever. I had an appendicitis. I could only eat jello and broth for the whole time. Sometimes the nurse would ask what my favorite food was and I'd tell them "pizza" and they would say things like "well pretend like your iv is pizza" or "i'm sure your mom will buy you pizza when you get out of the hospital." Shut up stupid nurses, I'm hungry.

I was stuck there for days staring at a Tv and throwing up on myself and accepting gifts from strangers that went to my church. And then one time an old lady came into my room wearing her hospital gown and I saw her naked old lady ass. And I watched Splash with my mom.

But anyway, jello makes me want to puke and I don't know why my dreams are so weird.

I Am Seriously Black

i've just discovered. that making the background on your blog BLACK makes it look like a more serious blog. well i assure you we are very serious here.

Things I Hate This Week

1. Standard Poodles: I passed by one of these on the train the other day and I had to stop myself from pulling the emergency brake, ripping open the door with my bloodied fingers and slapping the prancing mammoth-dog in the face. Don't get me wrong. I looove dogs. So much so that it's annoying. When I see a dog, I usually squeal "heeeey puppy" and pray the the cute thing will look at me and wag its tail with joy (this does not apply to Corgies (stumpy short legs) or Greyhounds (they're nearly 2 dimensional.. creeepy.) But why does the giganta-dog get the name STANDARD?? When you think of a poodle, you think of a little shaking thing that fits under your arm and is able to dance on it's hind legs in a tutu. I think the Standard Poodle should be renamed Elephantitas Poodle, or Freak Poodle. Or OMG GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME Poodle. Who likes them? I mean, really.

2. Bruises: Actually, I sorta like bruises, cause they make me look like I've been running around barefoot and climbing trees. They make me look so carefree that I could not possibly give a damn about whether I banged my leg or not. The problem is is that it's February. I wasn't out climbing trees. I wasn't running barefoot or pulling myself back onto a dock after jumping in the lake. No no no, the giant bruises that have taken over my knees are a constant reminder that on Saturday, sometime after my 8,000th whiskey, and somewhere in between Junior Senior and USE, my converse gave out on the Great Scott dance floor and I found myself sprawled on the floor. How did this happen? Not sure! But even if it wasn't like -10 degrees out I'd still have to wear tights cause I look like a battered woman. I look I've spent too much time on my knees. So I look like a beat-up ho. An exceptional Halloween costume, but not so much in real life.

3. Internet sarcasm. Specifically you not getting mine, and me, not getting yours. Terrible terrible thing.

4. NOT HAVING A #4 or a #5!!! AGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHG